So... here's the low down. My mom is back in the hospital; she has an infection and because of her chemo her immune system is shit. She's majorly ill right now. I'm waiting until after the long weekend (Tuesday) to do anything for my inpatient stuff. I basically just go to the emerg at my hospital and go "yo, I'm having a mental health crisis and I can't be at home", and somebody will come to assess me. The lady I talked to on the helpline says that it's pretty hard to get into inpatient and that I might not qualify. But it's either me living in the hospital or I'm living in a box on the corner, because I can't be at home right now. Life is really shitty at the moment and it's getting harder every day to deal with. I had like 8 anxiety attacks yesterday. I'm seeing my mom later today (it's 5am), but I don't know if I will be able to handle it. I fucking hate hospitals. Isn't that ironic? I need to be in a hospital but every time I go in one I have a panic attack. Have a great weekend, my dudes; and to all my fellow Canadians, I hope your Canada Day is amazing.

​-Vision​

​This past week has been SUPER rough. We've figured out what kind of cancer my mom has; it's in her nerves. This kind of cancer is newly discovered, and that's the reason it took so long for us to get a diagnosis. But, fewer people, including doctors, are acting like she's not dying, so it's kind of good news. When I heard the diagnosis, I felt a weight lifted off of me. My entire family was worried that it was going to be one of the really big baddies, but it's not. She is in a hospital about an hour from me, and they will be starting chemo this week I believe.


As for me, my mental health has been a complete shitshow. Things had been starting to go downhill before all this happened, but this hasn't really helped my case either. My family and I are discussing me being impatient, as in a mental hospital. Although, hospitals are usually the last resort for mental health. I'm looking for a place where I can just do what I normally, away from my family for a bit, but can get help and receive good treatment at all times. I don't know if such a place exists, and honestly, if it does, it might be too expensive. But I do know that staying at home is off the table for me, at the moment. I need a breather, with real help and real support. I need to do this so I can get better to be there for my family. I'm not happy about leaving them, but they all understand the situation.

Nothing has been decided yet; just thought I should let you all know. Thanks, love you all.

-Vision

I thought I should fill you all in, not because any of you are concerned, but because I just need to normalize myself saying it. My mother has cancer. That's a very scary word, and the majority of people know somebody who has died from cancer. But, cancer is not a death sentence. I'm trying to stay positive, not worrying about things I don't need to worry about. We don't know what kind it is yet if it's benign or not, but we have a really good guess that it's probably in her bones. My dog search is off, obviously. I might be doing more speedpaints, as those don't take as long to make. I'm getting a new phone within the next week, so I will film on that when I can. Shit hasn't hit the fan yet, but it is very near. I'm seeing about our social worker coming around to talk to my family. Honestly, don't worry. I think that the best we can do is just try to live as normal as possible. My mother is not the only person to have cancer, and if a fucking baby can beat cancer, then so can my mom. Love you all.


-Vision